I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
