I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
try to milk me bitch
Randomize