I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
