Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
God I need to hump something, right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
