and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
