anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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