she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
