I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
