I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
