is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
