Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
