So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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