She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
