You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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