Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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