yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
