two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
