Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
