Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm really into asian looking animals
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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