I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
