Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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