No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
