Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
