He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
