Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
