he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
