i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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