So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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