I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
