I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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