Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
