Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
