ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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