So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
