I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
