Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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