My balls are so social today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I touched a dick in church today
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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