I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
