I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize