Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
