also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
