So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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