k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
