Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
