Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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