I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
