Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize