I'm so fucking centered right now
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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