Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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