I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
