you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
