I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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