we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
