sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
