We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
