Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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