Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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