it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
