Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
