I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
