just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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