My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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