I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
