i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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