Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
