i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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