bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
