I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
