your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
