How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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